Deja Ortega: Oddsbreaker Read online

“Now what, Chef Boyar?” asked the ever-inquisitive Chub.

  “Now we wait another, oh, fifteen minutes.”

  “And what are you waiting for?”

  “We’ve gotta make sure that the meat and fat are nice and cold before we run them through the three-milimeter plate. After that, we’ll mix the seasonings into the meat and then combine the ground meat and fat together. Once we’ve done that, it’s time to toss in the diced show fat and fold it into the emulsion. Then we’re off to the sausage stuffer!”

  “Oh, excellent plan. You sound like you’ve made a lot of guntlegraccis in your day.”

  “Indeed I have,” said Bastian, ears perking up in pride.

  Once they’d waited long enough, a few team members brought out the ground fat and meat. Glass went off to fetch the chilled water and wine. “Now for the three-milimeter plate,” Bastian said. Everyone pitched in to run the meat and then the fat through the smaller grinding plate.

  “OK, now comes the fun part!” Chef Boyar announced. Under his direction, they slowly transferred the ground meat to the food processor. “Gaskón, start feeding in the spice mixture.” The chilled metal blades roared to life, and the spices rained down on the meat, slowly becoming incorporated into the pinkish blobs of tissue. Skal and Boyar had to push the globs of meat down a few times back into the path of the blades while Glass systematically poured in some slushy wine and water.

  “And why, dear chefs, are you adding some frozen liquids to the mixture?” asked Chub.

  “Oh, just an old trick to add flavor and also keep the mixture cool and pliable,” Bastian said. Finally, it was time to incorporate the ground fat. Fascinated, Deja watched as the processor whirred and started combining the fat and the meat, with Glass once again adding more chilled fluids. Now light pink, the emulsion was ready to receive the diced fat pieces, peppercorns, and guntle nuts. In they all went, and the concoction began to get a bit gummy. Bastian powered down the food processor and Gaskón whistled.

  “Nicely done, chefs! Now we’re off to the sausage stuffer.” After transferring the goopy mass into an enormous, wheeled container, the males led the way to the next piece of equipment.

  “Glass, get the casing into place,” Boyar said. “Skal and Gaskón, you both help load the canister while Deja and I supervise the casing as it is filled. Keep the setting on medium or it will come out too fast.”

  “Yes, chef!” Louis and Geckuano shouted.

  “You ready for this?” Bastian asked Deja with a warm smile.

  “Never more ready,” she agreed, smiling back, though she still smarted from his rebuke over the grinder malfunction.

  Deja and Bastian stood on either side of the casing that was fitted snugly over the machine’s tube. As the meat emulsion oozed into the casing, they focused on creating as few air pockets as possible. “Good, that’s good,” Bastian coached, his navy-blue fur damp with perspiration.

  “Goodness me,” Chub declared. “It’s looking wonderful, cheftestants!”

  As the team of five chefs worked, the tremendous sausage took shape and glided onto a slow-moving conveyor belt beneath the sausage stuffer. The belt allowed Deja and Bastian to supervise the steady filling of the casing with their expert fingers. At long last, the seven-feet-long, almost one-hundred-pound sausage was complete. “Let’s tie her off,” Bastian said. He and Deja twisted the end of the casing and then Glass put on a zip tie to cinch it closed.

  “Whew! Well done, all. Now what?” Chub asked, holocams buzzing around them all.

  “Now we pop a mesh sack over the sausage to keep it nice and tight. Then we’ll slip the guntlegracci into the sous vide apparatus. It’ll need to cook at a hundred-seventy degrees Fahrenheit for about, oh, five hours.”

  “Ah, I see. Will you have time, though?”

  Everyone automatically glanced up at the digital clock on the wall. Deja winced. It’s gonna be close!

  “We can get her done, don’t worry,” Boyar asserted, who began to supervise the next step involving the mesh sack.

  Trying to sound helpful, Deja glanced at Bastian and said, “Wait, don’t we need to use meat combs to poke the little air pockets?”

  “Oh, right,” he answered. “I was just going to order that.”

  Sure you were, she thought, but didn’t say anything. Each of them grabbed a meat comb and pricked any air bubbles they found. Then they guided the sausage into the mesh sack. At long last, they slipped the colossal guntlegracci into the sous vide cooker for a nice, long water bath.

  “Whoa! Now that was intense,” Gaskón said, patting his sweaty face and neck with a towel that he’d found somewhere. Bastian grinned at Deja then gave her a little bow. She bowed in return, still wary of his temperament.

  Almost as one, they found places to sit. And wait.

  “Astounding teamwork,” Chub said, then proceeded to interview each of the chefs, starting with Chef Boyar. Please let that sausage turn out well, Deja thought. The meat would need to cook for five hours and then cure for at least two days before the judges could do a taste test. That was a long time to wait to see if they’d been successful. But Deja could be as patient as a pregnant elephant. It might seem like a year and a half, but the fruits of their labor would all come to pass in good time.

  Two days later, Deja was cramming for the next culinary challenge. “Crap, got that one wrong. Ask me some more questions,” she said. Her brain was verging on the edge of insanity, but she had to cram as much food trivia into her head as possible.

  “OK, but don’t be so hard on yourself,” Geoff replied.

  “Easy for you to say.” She frowned. “I should’ve known that one about pegoruu eggs.”

  “Now you know it, though. OK, here’s the next question: Red Vines was a popular type of what kind of candy on Old Earth?”

  “Oh! Licorice. Red licorice,” she proclaimed.

  “Yep, that’s right,” Geoff said. “Now how about this one: Once processed, what food can remain good for thousands of years?”

  “That would be honey,” Deja said, confident.

  “Right! What’s a famous cocktail from Ryos that is served in a copper mug?”

  “Ah, that’s easy. A Ryos Rillzer,” Deja said, having drunk plenty of those.

  “Yep. And how about this one? What food do the Yukalorians consume during mating season?”

  “Yikes. Um, I think that would be…creamed shewl?” Deja guessed.

  “Exactly. Good job!” Geoff applauded. He then asked her about eighty more questions, some which she got right and some which she didn’t. But at least now she knew the correct answers to all of them.

  “Whew,” Deja said, running a hand through her silver-kissed, red hair. “I think I’m trivia’d out for now.”

  “Yes, I agree,” Geoff said, cracking his neck and then his knuckles. “How about we find lunch. Get you some brain food. By the time we’re done, the game show portion of the contest will be just about ready to start.”

  “Great. I’m starved. Let’s go try out someplace new.”

  “You got it, boss.” Geoff stood and extended his hand to her. She took it and got up. Then off they went to find a place for some grub in the nearby area. Tonight, she was slated to go out to dinner with Chef Bastian Boyar. With any luck, she’d be able to find out if he was really Famous Foodie in disguise.

  “Hellllllo cheftestants and audience members!” exclaimed Chub, his blue-green fur almost sparkling in the light. Deja stood behind a small pulpit-style game console and held a clicker/buzzer thing in her hand. The front of her console showed her name on a holopanel. She and seventeen other contestants stood behind identical consoles holding their own buzzers. They were all arranged in a semi-circle, with the host standing in front of the players. Chub whirled around in a circle, looking at all the contestants and then waving up at the audience in the colosseum.

  “Today, we have a new batch of participants ready to test their knowledge of food trivia from across the galaxy. Who will be victorious?” t
he alien asked.

  The crowd roared back an incomprehensible jumble of names. Deja forced herself to loosen her grip on the buzzer. Don’t let nerves get to you now! she admonished herself.

  “OK, friends. You know the rules. Whoever buzzes in first will get to answer. If that contestant is wrong, the next person to trigger their buzzer will get a shot. After the second guess, the question is dead. Whoever guesses the most questions right wins, with a first runner up and a second runner up. Everyone clear?”

  “Yes, sir,” Deja and the others echoed. She spared a quick glance at some of her competitors, including Chef Gaskón and Chef Glass. The others were a mixture of humans, Vinadroans, Pintrels, Ractyls, and various other races. Their respective names were displayed on the console for all to see. The host had conducted similar game shows for other participants throughout today and the previous few days. Now it was her turn, and she just hoped she had studied enough. Bastian had won first place in his game show session, which was unsurprising.

  “Let’s begin!” Chub said. “Question: In the country of Tortin on this planet of Vinadro, who is the God of Grain?”

  Deja thumbed her buzzer just a fraction too late. A brainy human named Chef Aleksander beat her to it. “That would be Gyan,” he said.

  “Correct!” Chub announced. “Next, what city on Old Earth is known as the ‘Big Apple’?”

  Deja beat everyone to that question. “New York City.”

  “Right on, Chef Dubois.” Chub tapped the data pad in his hand to pull up the next question. “OK, everyone. On the planet Navith in the Bejón province, which fruit is used during the annual food fight festival?”

  Chef Skal got that one: “Rotten dripplesss!” he replied with a hiss.

  Curses. I almost had that one!

  “New question: Carmine, a red food coloring, is made from boiling what?”

  This time, Deja pressed her clicker first. “Cochineal beetles,” she answered.

  “Perfect. But who knows this next one? What food is known as ‘Gretchen’s Hand’?”

  Chef Glass, darn her, buzzed in first. “Yamallow fruit,” she said. Deja frowned.

  “That is right! Good work,” Chub answered. “Next up is this: The Heathrún Scale is used for what purpose?”

  Deja pounced on that one. “Rating the spicy heat of peppers!” she said. No way she would miss that question.

  “Yes, nice job. Now, who can tell me this: What animal is used to create the delicacy called chemmak pie?”

  Chef Gaskón buzzed in first. “That’s the zithip lizard.” Dang it. Deja—or even Skal—should’ve gotten that one.

  “Precisely! Now on to another piece of trivia,” said Chub, who proceeded to ask another forty-two questions, many of which Deja answered correctly.

  Then the host asked another tough one: “On Old Earth, what is the Jewish term for dietary law?”

  Chef Aleksander pressed his clicker first. “That would be kosher.”

  “No, I’m sorry. Anyone else want to try?”

  Deja jabbed her buzzer and took a deep breath. “I believe the term is Kashrut,” she answered.

  “That’s it! Well done. Now for the Lightning Round!” Silently, Deja thanked one of her old carnie mates for being able to guess the last one correctly.

  “The top five of you are now going to throw down for a chance to win this entire match,” Chub declared. “And the top five are as follows: Chef Glass, Chef Aleksander, Chef Gaskón, Chef Dubois, and Chef Trill. The rest of you are excused. Everybody, give them a round of applause!”

  The crowd responded with the requested clapping, and when it died down, only the final five chefs stood on the stage. Deja wished for speedy reflexes and an even quicker mind. The other four chefs were major contenders.

  “Time for the first question: On Vinadro throughout the main continent, what is the ‘star’ of the customary meal for a funeral?”

  Chef Gaskón buzzed in, with Deja right behind him. Shoot! “Atomic meatballs,” Gaskón said smugly. Argh! So close!

  “Exactly! Second question: On Ractyl, who is in charge of serving tea at a wedding?”

  This time, Chef Trill, the Ractyl, pressed her clicker first. “The bride’s opuscommin or first aunt.”

  “Indeed, Chef Trill,” praised the stout Vinadroan. “Third question: On Old Earth, what food would the cartoon character Popeye the Sailor Man consume in order to gain super strength?”

  Deja buzzed in. “Kale?”

  “Nope, that’s incorrect. Anyone else?”

  Chef Glass rang in next. “Spinach.”

  “Yes, that’s the one!” Chub affirmed. Her opponent grinned widely. Deja cursed under her breath, readying herself for the next question. “All right,” the host said, “second to last question: On New Earth, what flower is the herb rithius derived from?”

  Chef Glass beat Deja—and everyone else—again. “Taccafolia,” said the other chef.

  “That’s correct, Chef Glass. Now for the final question. Are we ready, cheftestants?” Chub asked, raising his arms to encourage applause.

  “Yes!” shouted Deja and the other finalists.

  “OK. Here is the final question: Name the first food eaten on planet Shair’s second moon during the Discovery 13 mission.”

  Deja practically broke her buzzer because she pressed it so fast and hard. “Freeze-dried pegoruu eggs.”

  “Brilliant job!” Chub agreed. “Now for the final tally. The winner is…Chef Glass!” Deja groaned. Still, she smiled with bravado as the audience thundered their approval and the winning chef took several bows. “The first runner up is…Chef Dubois!” Yes! A rush of adrenaline surged to her heart like an incoming tide. She nodded and waved at the crowd.

  More applause followed that announcement. If she was right, Chef Gaskón would be in third place. Chub opened his mouth and announced just that: “And second runner up is…Chef Gaskón! Let’s hear it for all three of them!” Deja and Gaskón beamed at each other and joined hands, raising their arms up in victory. After all, second and third place weren’t that bad.

  “Contestants, thank you for the wonderful participation. We will post everyone’s rankings when the final trivia game is given tomorrow. And with that, we will now take an intermission!” Chub finished, taking a series of dramatic bows himself, the teal hair ruffling atop his head. Deja released Gaskón’s hand and they followed Chef Glass off the stage.

  Backstage, their sous chefs were all waiting for them. Geoff reached Deja first and gave her a light punch on the arm. “Nice work, boss! You almost took the whole game.”

  “Oh, but she didn’t, did she?” piped up Chef Glass with a gloating smirk.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Deja said. “Gaskón and I still gave you a run for your breakfast.”

  Chef Glass harrumphed and gestured for her lanky sous chef to follow her from the small room.

  Chef Trill and Chef Aleksander came over to Deja and Gaskón, offering hands to shake in congratulations. After exchanging some pleasantries, the remaining participants and their sous chefs left the room, headed for their respective quarters. Deja was ready to celebrate. And that meant some top-shelf icewine. Or gehut. Maybe both! And with Bastian due to take her out in about three hours, she wouldn’t even have to pay for it.

  Chub gestured to the huge array of guntlegraccis before him. Geoff counted twenty of them on an equal number of stainless-steel tables. “Here, you see a collection of guntlegracci sausages that were made several days ago. Now we will find out who flunked this tasty test and who aced it!” the host announced. The crowd roared in eagerness. Geoff squeezed Deja’s arm in reassurance, then stepped back as the four other members of her guntlegracci team joined her and stepped forward onto a platform.

  “First up, we have a guntlegracci made by Chef Bastian Boyar, team captain, along with Chef Riva Glass, Chef Louis Gaskón, Chef EvaLynn Dubois, and Chef Geckuano Skal. Will their creation please or displease the mighty judges?”

  Chub raised a long cleaver up hig
h over the sausage and then brought it down near the end of it. He began slicing with care, back and forth, back and forth until at last he had cut through the enormous tube of emulsified meat. A collective gasp sounded in the cooking coliseum. “Oh, my, this is a lovely sight! It is a beautiful, light pink, sprinkled evenly with peppercorns, guntle nuts, and cubed fat. Look at it glisten!”

  Geoff clapped along with the others. I knew she could do it!

  With great fanfare, Chub sliced off thin pieces of the guntlegracci for each of the famed judges. And, just twenty minutes later, the verdict was in: Team Boyar had earned ninety-one points out of a total one-hundred.

  “Woot!” Geoff yelled, though he couldn’t hear himself over the sound of the raucous crowd. And that is how it’s done!

  “Do you think I’ll get Bastian to tell me some of his secrets?” Deja asked Geoff, who stood near the shared door between their suites. For her date with Chef Boyar, Deja had slipped into a black-and-red sheath dress with a V-neck and ruffled lace at the hemline. She’d ordered it, some gold jewelry, and some cute, red pumps just for tonight.

  “Looking like that, I don’t see how he could resist telling you all his secrets,” Geoff said in an approving tone, cracking his knuckles absently.

  Deja chuckled. “Good answer. Let’s just hope I can determine if he’s actually Famous Foodie or not.”

  “Yes. Good luck. Make sure you record the entire conversation so I can listen to it with you later.”

  “Of course,” she said, then watched Geoff retreat to his room. Soon after that, three knocks sounded on the door. She opened the door and found Chef Bastian Boyar standing on the other side. He was wearing Vinadro’s version of a tuxedo, a long-sleeved, red suit coat over a white, button-down shirt and a matching pair of red slacks with crisp pleats. Good thing I dressed up, she thought.

  “Good evening, Chef EvaLynn Dubois. How are you tonight?” Bastian asked with a bow.

  “Doing splendidly,” she answered, bowing also.

  “Wonderful. Let’s be off, shall we?” He offered her his arm, which she took, and they walked to the elevator. Her quarters were, after all, on the 75th floor of the contestant housing.